So many expectations for today, yet I mildly crashed, staying in bed most of the day crying. Crying out the pain of missing Randy and the accompanying loneliness. Days are up and down, and on this down day, I comforted myself with a bed, warm blankets, lots of juice, and crying… oh, and online shopping!
Expectations help to keep me going, but sometimes I just need to take a break from distractions, feel this pain, and rest. Sadness has followed me since dear Randy’s Memorial Service. The pain was reawakened and I couldn’t escape it, though at the last minute I wanted to escape with all my being. Today it all caught up with me and there was no running, flying, swimming, biking, carting, or walking that could pull me away.
Tomorrow is back to plans and engaging the world again. Thank you Donna for giving me a day to crash and rest. Thank you God for the healing I know that is coming…
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