Is Randy still dead?
When Randy is alive again, he will come home.
When Randy gets better and isn’t dead anymore, he will come home from the hospital.
Since Randy is alive in heaven, he will come back home.
My three year old cousin is so forthright with his thoughts. His mind is grappling with the reality of death and life. He loves Randy, and every airplane that flies overhead is flown by Randy, in his child’s mind. He even carries a Lego man, Randy, who is the pilot of all the Lego airplanes around our homes.
Truth is, my mind asks these same childlike questions. For the reality of death and life is a grappling of my mind that continues. Except for occasional moments of shock, I’m accepting that Randy is gone from this earth. Those dear to me, I hold close in my heart. Because of this loyalty, I also struggle to let go, for good or bad. So what I’m not comprehending is Where is he right now? What is he doing right now? He loves me so much that he can’t be living joyfully while away from me.
There are many answers to these questions from the simple to the complex. But what I’m searching for isn’t so much an answer, but a sense of Randy’s presence. Is that possible still? Does this veil that separates us allow such presence to pass? Is this healthy to seek his presence? Do I need to let go and let Randy be at peace? Do I need to keep my focus on God’s presence, Spirit, only? Again, so many questions… My mind is grappling with reality.
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