This loneliness gnaws and stings. Is this missing Randy? Missing a partner? Missing an old life? Yes.
I’m realizing this deep aching hole is missing God as well. Not to minimize the pain of loss, for losing my partner in life is almost inconsolable. And yes, this loneliness is real and I grieve this loss daily. And yes, partnership on earth is helpful and important. But I do realize that my deeper pain, is a searching for God; for that lost daily walk in the Garden.
Admittedly, I typically soothe this longing with a partner; I let Randy for years keep at bay my deeper longings for God. No blame to Randy… my point being, blame on me for letting that love be enough, but never enough. And admittedly I didn’t realize this until his loss.
I’ll keep my eyes on you God, through this storm of loneliness. I’ll trust that your love will fill me, satisfy me, comfort me, flow through me to all around.
I just say.. hasten to me for my being withers; I limp through the days.
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