Falls upon us quickly, regardless if we went through a long illness with our partner, or were shocked by a sudden death. The reality that your partner is no longer here on earth: sending those 10 texts a day, calling with a sweet goodnight when out of town, giving warm hugs, bouncing our ideas around, listening to our complaining, encouraging us when we’re down, doing the chores, and worst of all for me the wife of an airline pilot, he’s just never coming home again.
A title that just doesn’t settle well with me..why? I’m not sure, to be honest. Maybe my perception of lonely, sad people; or broken people who need lots of looking after? I don’t want to be either of those. Admittedly, I am those, but hopefully for just a season. I’m at 6.5 weeks of widowhood as of this writing. The worst (there is no word that even comes close) weeks of my entire life. At some points, I almost quit. QUIT. Yes, quit. Not that I wanted to quit life, but that this pain is too intense to survive. I did survive those moments, and have hope I’ll survive when they hit again. And well, there’s that word, survive.
Insurance, banks, employers label me as The Survivor. At first hearing this, I chuckled. Me! Surviving! Ha, that’s expecting a lot, and you don’t even know me. But, I’ve now identified with this label, as I have survived the unsurvivable. I do have hope for a future full of love and mission (and travel!)
So this blog will allow me to share my thoughts and journey, connecting in a way that feels healthy to me. My hope is that whatever life brings your way, that you’ll find healing in this journal as well. God… Father, Jesus, and Spirit… is my life. He’s saved my life for eternity and in the immediate now. Everything I have been, am, and will be, are gifts from God. These aren’t just words for me. You don’t survive the unsurvivable, on just words. God is life! He is the breath in me, the thoughts of focus, the joy from despair, the peace that hugs me, the energy to move, the courage to reach out, the shepherd guiding my steps, and the support when I needed to quit. God. I’ll have a lot to say about him too.
So, thanks for reading, and I hope to have fellow companions on this journey.
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