A surprise of grief is the hidden energy that unsettles… an energy that keeps me from what used to be so easy and natural… focus, living.
Oh sting of death, you take every ounce of energy in this being, and bring it to your gnawing and ripping pain. What just happened? Where is he? Why isn’t he here? Who am I? Will I survive? Will I ever thrive? Why? Why? Why? How am I to exist with this pain? How do I face pain? How do I survive pain? Should I run from pain? Should I not exist? How do I live? How does God comfort? How do I receive? How? How? How? What’s the point of living? What’s the point of life? Sting of death, you take every ounce of my energy…
Exhaustion is generally the known state of grief, an expression of grief, a talked about sensation of grief. So energy… you surprise me. Yet now I see you, at work, focusing all your strength to understanding the unimaginable. No wonder exhaustion is so understood as the partner of grief… for energy you focus on the impossible… bewilderment. Energy, you leave me not a bit of your power for living, loving, being.
I see you energy… I see you bringing your strength in hopes of healing, in your way.
I also see, energy, that your way is exhausting my being. Your way is keeping me in that dark valley of death, of never-ending asking, of looking backwards to what happened.
Energy, I see your pain. May we work together now? Will you join me in living? Will you allow me to join you in walking? Will you trust me to hold you dearly? Can you let go, say I will never understand, and be okay? Can you live with unanswered questions, mystery, unknowing? Together, I believe we can. Energy… may we work together now, will you join me in living?
Energy… I love you…
Inspired by my intuitive Dad 💚
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The Survivor 