The question that has haunted me these last several months. And maybe now, I’m finding clarity.
Over the years, I have identified with my roles, relational roles: daughter, sister, niece, cousin, Christian, friend, student, scout, wife, mother, auntie, conformist, rebel, employee, employer, harpist, pilot, traveler, lover of adventure, risk taker, gardener, widow, survivor… and so the list goes of how I identify myself.
One by one these roles fade away; slowly as the sun passing through the sky, or suddenly as a thunderbolt strikes. And as they fade, do I fade? Do I change? Do I always need to redefine me?
Yes, that has been my routine of adapting. But this time, with the largest loss I’ve ever experienced, I’m seeing this adapting is flawed. I am, beyond these roles. I am breathing, sleeping, waking, eating, walking, feeling, thinking beyond these roles.
These roles are now fading, yet here am I. Yes, I… Me, within… The spark of my being. I see you Donna, I sense you… I feel you, I hear you… My being through this life, moment by moment; when young, here now, and you will be me who travels to life beyond when my time is complete here on earth.
These roles I fill will continue to arise and fade, but no longer be the meaning of me. So now I proceed, breath by breath, guided into each new moment with this spark that is Donna.
God thank you for this clarity… Donna thank you for being strong and revealing you to me…
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The Survivor 
Thank you for this — it is a “true life” testimony of some of my own spiritual work right now in discovering the difference between what Richard Rohr calls the “False Self” vs. the “True Self” — both are necessary and the false self is not bad, unless we get stuck there in those “roles” rather than finding our true self. Sounds as if you are well on your wonderful journey of that sacred self discover. May you have joy in your journey today, Jane
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Jane, what a lovely reply, thank you! I love Rohr’s writings but it’s been a while. I’ll look this up. Yes, this grief has broken me to the core and I’m amazed at how God is putting me together again. I love that we’ve connected here. Hugs to you on your journey…
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Wonderful post. So true. We continually change our roles and do frequently identify them in relationships. We now have to form our roles based on ourselves. It can include many of the other roles but the end may be very new.
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True, I have little idea where my life and roles are going.
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