Meandering

As I approach a full year of loss, widowhood, I have found many moments of healing and joy, while the grief subsides. Survivor. The Survivor. I am surviving… in amazement that I’m still standing a year later.

Surviving… maybe even transitioning to living. My life today is one I never imagined me living: this house, this mountain, seeking play, energized by events, loving snow, sitting with the dying, and living alone. None of these were in my long-term vision for my life. Each step, each process, seemed to appear as I turned from death to face life each morning.

Living… really, what is living? Breathing in and out, waking and sleeping, coming and going… no these are surviving. Living? Feeling joy in facing a day… Gratitude for the pink sunrise… Mesmerized by the falling snow… Peace at the full blue sky… Looking around me with gratitude in all that God has provided… Sleeping peacefully, waking rested… A gift in walking this earth. Truly a gift to be human upon this earth.

Loving… within this shared walk of life, love. Love grows strong as I look at each around me, seeing humanity: shared struggles, shared searching, shared needs. Love, in so many forms, but still love. Love embraces me … I embrace love. Two become one. The three, yet one God. Infinite grains of sand, yet one beach. I fill with love as I look out… the love poured within, seeps out.

Dying… each breath from the first, is a slow march to death. Each heartbeat drums the slow pace to death. Slow? Well some have a quick march, while others meander through the winding forest. Yet quick or slow, each breath leads to the final, last breath… death. I now choose to sit with those so labored with breathing, each breath a farewell to the former breaths… the last breath an it is finished, a new life awaits.

As I approach a full year of loss, widowhood, I am living.

© Copyright 2022 DonnaTheSurvivor; All rights reserved. No portion of this work/blog may be duplicated or copied without the expressed written consent of the author.