Five months ago today, my dear one lost his life on earth to Covid. Five months ago…
These past five months have been impossible for me and I’m not sure how I’m still alive, sitting here writing. I am here, breathing, a little more alive each day.
Of all the losses, I’ve written about here. Of all the pains, I’ve written about here. Of all the questioning, anger, denial, loneliness, sadness, I’ve written about here.
Today, five months after my life ended, I’m being resurrected unto a new life. Unbelievably, this is true. I’m breathing a bit lighter today, feeling a bit more settled, strength is building, a new direction is being revealed, and new life is springing forth within me. I never believed this was possible, my faith faltered, I wanted to just stop. But today, I’ve reconnected with the past Donna while connecting with the new Donna to be.
God, through Jesus, by Spirit, has woven this miracle. Truly the healing happening within me is a miracle. This I know beyond any doubt. And to God, today five months after the end of life for me, I’m so profoundly grateful. Privately, gratitude fills my being, voice, tears, and breath. Publicly I say to God, THANK YOU MOST LOVING BEING FOR CREATING ME, STRENGTHENING ME, GUIDING ME, AND MOST OF ALL FOR BEING WITH ME THROUGH EVERY BREATH I’VE EVER BROUGHT IN AND RELEASED: PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE.
Future… still an unknown for me, for us all really. We have some idea of how the future might unfold, but really I don’t even have that today. This ambiguous now, between past and future, is my life. And God is here in my now. Still with sadness, but also contentment, I’ll keep breathing forward.
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