Where did this come from? Grief of past Christmases is overwhelming me. This is 2.75 years for me since death, and yet just now, the loss of Christmas past, is gripping me.
Life changes, holidays change and evolve over the years… and this reality is hitting me hard. Can I just stop time? Can I just jump to January 2? Can I run and hide from December? No… days are ticking along, while I avoid with every ounce of energy.
But today, I collapsed. Energy and avoidance just collapsed. Reality walked in like a boxer and just beat me up. So I sit here writing, beat up, collapsed, with reality in full view.
There are people in my life, family and friends, this is not the issue. Reality is that I want the past to return… Me and Randy and my kiddos, all cuddled in our warm, sweet home. This is what breaks my heart. This is what I avoid. This is what I want dearly. This is what is never coming to me. This is what will never return. This is past. This is memory. This.
Writing is no longer coming to me… I’m going numb. This will pass, with God’s mercy, healing will find me.
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The Survivor 
Wishing you peace. So sad that this time if year has so many triggers that are beautiful and painful at the same time. God bless….KB
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Wishing you peace as well dear KB💚
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