So I keep this to myself mostly… but I miss Randy. The good mornings, the texts throughout the day, shared meals, hugs, weekend jaunts, daily recaps, snuggles, and good nights. His laugh, his energy, his humor, his loving me just as I am…
This is the only stage of life where I have lived alone, truly alone. In the past, there has always been family or roommates or hubby and kids. And to be alone now has some rewards, but many many isolating and too quiet moments.
The world of dating is treacherous and filled with rejection. One date blatantly stated he wanted a sex partner and didn’t have time to waste on friendship. Another date was in reality much older than his pics he presented. One ran to therapy after a coffee date. Another was a photographer of questionable style. Then the rest have just been friendly leading to the friend zone. And that’s the ones who have been willing to meet me! Countless men have just ignored my likes in online dating; the ones who do like me there, are typically much older or really need a shower and shave!
All this leads a girl to think what’s wrong with me? I’m not young and toned, but I do care for my appearance, am sweet, gentle, kind, thoughtful, giving, adventurous and fun.
Reminding myself that God is protecting me from so much pain, I do hope that someday a new partner will arrive. God is my matchmaker, and as of yet, he’s keeping me for himself.
So what am I to do with this loneliness? Friends and family are wonderful and do warm my heart, yet this house is quiet and lonely. Some of the loneliest times are after fun with others, then leaving to come home alone. I’m realizing that I don’t enjoy living alone, that I miss the sounds of people mulling around.
A roommate? Temporary or full-time? My children joining me here? All are options, that are swirling in my thoughts. But in actuality, I just don’t know… except that I miss Randy.
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The Survivor 
Donna, your post is so honest & touching…
Reminded me of my Mom, who was widowed at 39. We found ourselves both dating at the same time and coming home from dates, sitting at the kitchen table & griping about our dates. Actually, was a good bonding experience.
She remarried at 57. Unfortunately her second husband died when she was 63. It was very difficult, but a couple of years later she started going to polka dances again. (She loved to dance.) And she never gave up on love.
I admire your tenacity & feel for your pain. I pray that God will help and guide you through this unplanned time…
Thoughts are with you, KB ❤️
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Wow, KB, what an interesting phase for you and your mom… I’m envisioning you both laughing and crying. Thank you for sharing this, for from our hearts we touch each other. Miss you😘
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