Five months ago today, my dear one lost his life on earth to Covid. Five months ago…
These past five months have been impossible for me and I’m not sure how I’m still alive, sitting here writing. I am here, breathing, a little more alive each day.
Of all the losses, I’ve written about here. Of all the pains, I’ve written about here. Of all the questioning, anger, denial, loneliness, sadness, I’ve written about here.
Today, five months after my life ended, I’m being resurrected unto a new life. Unbelievably, this is true. I’m breathing a bit lighter today, feeling a bit more settled, strength is building, a new direction is being revealed, and new life is springing forth within me. I never believed this was possible, my faith faltered, I wanted to just stop. But today, I’ve reconnected with the past Donna while connecting with the new Donna to be.
God, through Jesus, by Spirit, has woven this miracle. Truly the healing happening within me is a miracle. This I know beyond any doubt. And to God, today five months after the end of life for me, I’m so profoundly grateful. Privately, gratitude fills my being, voice, tears, and breath. Publicly I say to God, THANK YOU MOST LOVING BEING FOR CREATING ME, STRENGTHENING ME, GUIDING ME, AND MOST OF ALL FOR BEING WITH ME THROUGH EVERY BREATH I’VE EVER BROUGHT IN AND RELEASED: PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE.
Future… still an unknown for me, for us all really. We have some idea of how the future might unfold, but really I don’t even have that today. This ambiguous now, between past and future, is my life. And God is here in my now. Still with sadness, but also contentment, I’ll keep breathing forward.
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The Survivor 
It’s your new story you are writing. Having such wonderful memories help shape your new story. I’m so glad you are trying. And breathing forward.
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Thank you dear Heather, for this encouragement and reading. Means so much to me!
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I love that you called it “ambiguous now.” That makes so much sense.
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It does feel so ambiguous for me, everything is clouded, anything could happen. Hugs to you during this ambiguous phase…
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Wow only five months, you are doing so well Donna. His promises are always true “blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted” much love
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Yes, five never ending months, so it seemed. I used to scowl at that verse that mourners will be comforted. But now I truly have lived the mourning and received comforting. I understand now, that to receive comfort we must be in distress. Much love back…
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Donna, we are all beside you and thinking of you. Keep going girl, you’re doing amazingly :) Much love
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Beth, again your words bring tears of joy. To know that others are cheering me on is such a heart-warming feeling. Thank you. Much love to you…
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You should be proud of yourself. All your emotions are real and at times very painful. You are getting stronger and stronger everyday. Keep going! I am cheering for you. Go Donna!!
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I love being cheered on, thank you for this!
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