In openness, vulnerability, and truthfulness with myself and with you my readers, this past week has been a crushing struggle in sadness and loneliness and pain for me. Each day I woke with intense pain, cried it out, found some relief, but it lingered…
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Psalm 42:11
A brave face I present to the world, for most in my life just don’t understand. My grief was compared to losing a parent this week… oh there is no comprehending the depth of this grief when a life partner is lost; the internal ripping along with all the changes that accompany being alone.
I have a therapeutic process where I look at the parts of myself that hold sadness or loneliness or joy or whatever is present for me; I talk to these parts and we connect in an authentic, seeing way. This process has brought me healing over the years, where the struggles don’t absorb me, and has been the only process that released me from depression years ago.
Today, today… again the intense pain was agonizing and I wonder how long I can continue to wake with this agony. Cries to God continue, cries of release continue, cries…
As I drink my morning juice and eat fresh berries, I notice a miracle… excitement! I’m not bi-polar, I’m not diagnostically mentally disturbed, but rather just a normal, healthy, typical person who lost their love, my hubby three years ago. Emotions are up and down, hope wanes, purpose hides, and surviving each day is the goal.
Yet this moment on this day, relief was given me by my God. Will it last forever… likely not. Will it last a lifetime… likely not. Will it last a week… I’ll see. Will it last an hour… I’ll see. Yet this moment relief is given me, and my being soars in thankfulness, hope and love.
For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.” Jer 31:25
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The Survivor 
holiday weekends without family …especially hard…🙁
Touch grass, upbeat music, move your body, …with you in spirit my friend…❤️
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Thank you dear friend… had a morning hike with neighbors and donuts! Gardening this afternoon, so lots of grounding with hand in the dirt. Hugs to you… 🩵
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Donna, this was posted today by my friend…I want to applaud you, that you “keep walking”
Now, I’m not going through hell right now.
But…I sure have felt like it before.
So, I gotta give this one to ole Churchill. Sometimes, when the fury of Hell seems to
have grabbed you by the scuff of the neck, and won’t let go, all you can do is keep walking, even if you are limping, crawling, bawling and trying.
And…in days of fire, I like to look back at those ancient examples of greatness
in the Scriptures.
Like Joseph….
The queen trapped him, hoping to compromise him and he kept on walking.
He had to go through more false accusations, and jail time before God put him in position. But he made it to rule and save his family.
And he glorified God.
Like Job ….
He didn’t give up when he lost family, status, wealth, health and home. He was broken to the core, but He knew His God.
Through suffering, God restored his life,
to a greater testimony than ever before.
Like Joshua …
walking that Jericho wall in faith over fear, in honor and eventually victory. His call did not waver. He went beyond the call of duty. He continued to be an outstanding warrior leader of God.
Like Daniel…..
Who didn’t flinch when they threw them in
the lion’s den. He kept his walk just
like he always talked and God revealed amazing things to him. He put him in a
high position to help others. His secret prophecies still concern us today!
Like Shadrach, Meshach and Abendgo …
who walked in the fire that was 7 times hotter than usual. And made it a point to tell the powers that were, that it didn’t matter if God saved their lives or not,
they still would believe in Him.
God walked through the fire with them.
They came out not even smelling like smoke!
And were promoted to high positions.
Like Paul, who went through more than most of us would go through in several lifetimes,
but whose life is still one of the most
influential in the world. He and Silas still sang in their dungeon cells.
Like Abraham going out from his unbelieving family to become the father of the covenant nations. A friend of God.
Like Moses, who as a slave, grew up in the palace, and talked with God face to face, leading the exodus of his people.
Like Esther, a beautiful orphan who God used to save her people from a plot to kill them. In a book that doesn’t even mention God, He’s all over the place!
Like Ruth, that gorgeous widow who left her ungodly heritage, to become a woman in the lineage of Jesus.
And I’m barely getting started!
Like Churchill, I say walk on, but walk
in the power that transforms, that grows you and rewards you, blesses you and brings you closer to Jesus.
Most of time…when I have been surrounded by the heat of the fires,
I have found I can’t back up,
I can’t sit down…
I can only hope to keep walking.
Keep trusting.
Keep believing.
Let your faith lead!
No matter how burned you feel, how
many demons taunt you, no matter
the heat, just keep on keeping on.
It’s not complicated, but it’s sure not easy.
That’s how you get ….through.
On my way home one day, I was surrounded by a deep, dense fog.
So, I pulled off under a bridge and waited.
When I could get in traffic again, it was so much harder because you couldn’t
tell who was where.
It had made me disoriented.
Dan told me later it’s better to just slow down, but keep going cautiously,
just enough to keep moving.
Pulling off to the side distorted the perception, making it harder to get
moving again.
That was a valuable lesson.
Don’t pull off too long.
Stay the course.
Just keep walking, keep praying, keep growing, keep believing.
You’re going to make it.
~Ann Stewart Porter
blessings…Jane
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Thank you Jane… yes sometimes the only thing to do is just one step in front of the other… Good to be reminded of past followers who believed and kept going. Blessings to you…🩵
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